I can't wig it

How do you hide hair you desperately dislike? 

Some say go for a wig but I'm more partial to caps/light hats. To me wigs never look real unless you dish out a few thousand dollars, and then you have to maintain them and everything... plus do they ever look real? I prefer little caps which I can switch up anytime, they're fun and can be colorful and since I'm cold all the time it's an added warmth bonus.

I got four new ones at the hospital yesterday, from a little store staffed by volunteers that is stocked with hand-made hats - and bonus? The collection changes every few weeks. It's to help cancer patients feel good about themselves without breaking the bank. 

What would make me feel good about myself is to be normal and to not have to go through any of this shit. I know complaining won't change anything but it's like breathing, hard to stop without turning blue in the face. My case is based on medical malpractice and there isn't a thing I can do about it. How am I supposed to be so zen and accepting under these circumstances? I just found out that my remaining kidney is struggling; normal levels of creatinine for women my age is about 70-80 umol/L and mine varies between 120 and 130 umol/L (the higher the number, the more compromised the kidney). And no, there isn't anything that can be done to rectify the problem, once there is scar tissue in the affected organ it isn't reversible. I also have a slightly enlarged lymph node on my lungs they're keeping an eye on, for now there's no detectable cancer in it but it makes me nervous, very nervous. It feels like my expiry date is looming and it's driving me bananas not knowing when the axe will fall. Sigh.

Thanks for keeping me company here - here's my smile of gratitude!