What you don't see

Disclaimer: contains unpleasant images, do not read if queasy.

I thought to share another "behind the curtains" moment today, or rather it's "under the sweater" in my case. Cancer patients who receive 3+ IV infusions a week normally get a chemo port installed, which is this:

Chemo ports are usually installed on the chest and stay in at all times. This means you don't get poked each time something needs to be pushed into the veins, eliminating pain and discomfort if your body doesn't cooperate during IV line insertion. As far as I know, I don't qualify for a port as I only get an IV infusion once per two weeks but my veins are so fragile I'm about to ask for one. It takes nurses about three tries each time to get a good vein now, they're so fragile they burst on contact and this is with child-size needles. 

This was from last Friday, second poke with no success... leaves nasty bruising that takes up to three weeks to heal:

Third time was the charm, this is where the IV needle went in and despite everything it still left a nasty bruise that will take another two weeks to heal. Yes it hurts every time and yes I'm fed up. This is in addition to bi-weekly blood tests and whichever other test I need to be poked for - it never ends, this is my life now.

 

My body is destroyed with scars and bruising, loss of muscle tone, loss of hair and skin elasticity. My face and neck are constantly bloated thanks to a burdened lymphatic system, I look like shit and I barely feel better than said shit. I'm fed up with being sick, there's no getting better so what am I even fighting for... Some days courage fails me, I'm tired. I just want the pain, the fatigue, the nausea and the weakness to stop. How the hell do people put up with this (and much worse) crap for years?

 

Anyways that's your glimpse behind the curtains for now.

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