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Soooo WTF happened since last year... hang on tight..

Mid-October 2021: After years of constant UTIs and blood in my urine, my bladder blocked solid - and it was scary! I couldn't pee, it was sooo painful... then the clots passed (I almost fainted it hurt so bad) and it looked like murder in my toilet, no choice but go to the ER. I'll skip the horrors of being on a hallway stretcher for 48 hours without a pillow or any sleep because when I finally got a room it was really nice. Many tests, and a biopsy and four days later later I was finally free to go home.

November 3rd, 2021: Got a call from the doctor, biopsy confirmed: malignant kidney cancer. Some super rare and random genetic mutation that they know very little about. Shit.

December 15th, 2021: Surgery to remove the destroyed kidney and massive tumor as well as some lymph nodes. I got to go home six days later and recovery was fucking painful - I have had surgeries before but this was just beyond crappy. I'm intolerant to most pain medication (makes me vomit) and also intolerant to most anti-nausea meds so it wasn't fun.

I don't remember Christmas last year. 

January 2022, not sure of when exactly: More results from pathology, it's an aggressive cancer and they couldn't get all the lymph nodes out. Got at TEP scan scheduled to see where it had spread and what we're up against. Still positive at this point, I mean I can beat this right?

January 2022: As much as I loved my amazing condo under the church roof, it also came with 50 stairs and no elevator so basically I was stuck inside, I could barely walk nevermind a mountain of stairs. What to do?

February 2022: TEP scans suck. Cancer had spread to my pelvis, vertebrae, ribs, collarbone and some lymph nodes. Frigging scan looked like the insides of a rabbit hit with a shotgun. This is not how my life was supposed to go.

February 2022: No choice but to sell my beloved condo. I'm still not over the loss, I loved my home. Found a rental near a hospital, family and friends rallied to help pack because I was useless to do a damn thing. So tired all the time.

March 2022: I moved. New place sucked.

March 2022: First radiation treatment to help with the pain, while waiting for chemo protocol to be administered. They said I had an aggressive cancer and yet... still waiting. I hate radiation it makes you vomit and want to not wake up. Ugh.

April 9th 2022: Yay my first chemo and monoclonal antibody infusions start! Not yay: also Covid. Am I fucking cursed?

April 19th 2022: Stopped the chemo cuz I was too sick from Covid. Got Paxlovid and got over it quickly after that. *fist pump*

April 26th, 2022: Finally started my cancer treatments again, and for good. Six months after diagnosis. SIX. MONTHS. 

June 2022: Dosage was way too strong, needed to reduce the chemo it was making me too sick with side effects. Name it, I had it. FML.

August 2022: I couldn't take living in that condo anymore, it was too dirty, loud and in the middle of construction and car dealerships with no green in sight. Nowhere to walk, couldn't even see the sky from my place only dusty cement and people. Also couldn't keep asking my family and friends to travel from so far away to help me, The Invalid. Chemo is hard, they just don't tell you HOW hard. I cried a lot. WTF was I supposed to do?

September 2022: Moved to Quebec City to be closer to my parents as I couldn't manage on my own anymore. Side effects kept getting worse.

October 2022: Oncologist said to take a two-week break from the treatments as I couldn't even stand without holding onto the walls. Nausea rendered me useless, vomiting was horrid. Best two weeks of "vacation" ever... I felt alive again!

And here we are now. I'm back on daily chemo and monoclonal antibody infusions every two weeks. I've left out the part about all the shit that comes with cancer such as people treating you differently (it ain't contagious, lol), all the grieving that comes with losing the life you knew and loved, loss of physical strength and mobility, the endless fatigue that sleep never cures. I lost my hair, I lost hours scratching my skin raw, many foods now taste bad, the face rash that is disfiguring, loss of income and ability to work, being a human pincushion with endless IV needles and blood tests and scans and handfuls of pills every day...

If only this was temporary.

In my case this is the rest of my life. 

There is no cure, unless a miracle happens and I wish to believe in miracles...

Will you pray for me, please?